Dr. DJ: Kinda sorta solving problems since 2004
‘Ask DJ’ is a new weekly segment we’ll be running around here. I am sure you have questions. And I am positive I have answers for those questions. They may not be correct, and they may not even be coherent, but dammit, I promise they’ll be coherent!
This week, I will be answering questions from Thade and Romi, my Screw You Recession comrades. Next week, I’ll be taking real questions from you, our wicked awesome readers. Send me your question(s) at demersdj@gmail.com and I will answer them next week!
Now, onto this week’s questions.
Dear D.J.,
I just spent all of my money on an authentic Chewbacca costume for an upcoming Star Wars convention. Tonight, I have a hot date with a Han Solo (circa Harrison Ford) look-a-like. The thing is, I only have $10 to my name and nothing to wear!!! What should I do?
Sincerely,
Furry but frugal
Thanks for the question, FBF. It sounds like you find yourself in a predicament of intergalactic proportions. I am not sure where you will be heading for your date, but I assume you will not be staying at home. That will just get awkward if your parents hear you guys fooling around in their basement. So we’re assuming you are going out. Why don’t you ask him to dress like Han Solo and you can just rock the Chewy outfit? You already spent the money so you might as well see if he is up for it. Plus, if he likes the role playing, things could escalate to some heavy petting (Get it? Petting? Because Chewy has fur? Whooo, tough crowd). Or, if you’re not feeling him, then you can just say the costume is giving you a rash and head home. There really are no drawbacks to the plan. I hope that helped. If you don’t have any back-up clothes after your Chewy outfit, there might be something very wrong with you. You should just be satisfied anybody is going on a date with you, let alone a Harrison Ford look-alike.
Dear D.J.
I hear all this talk of a recession, but what is a recession?
Clueless in Chilliwack
Good question, Clueless. The word recession is used so often now that it is easy to lose sight of what it really means. Kind of like how Paris Hilton is so entrenched in popular culture with perfumes and reality shows that you can almost forget that she got famous by having sex on tape. Or maybe that analogy made no sense. The point is, Paris Hilton is a skank. Wait, no that’s not the point at all. We were talking about the recession. According to Wikipedia, that most trusted of sources, a recession is “a general slowdown in economic activity over a sustained period of time, or a business cycle contraction.” Many recessions are preceded by stock market declines, and it is often what the media chooses to focus on, but that is not the only factor. You can also look at a country’s falling GDP, rising unemployment rates, and other indicators of a sagging economy. In layman’s terms, a recession means we all have a little less money. One thing that we can all take solace in is that Paris Hilton will be a skank during the good times and the bad. Bless her soul.
