As if falling in love and meeting your E-Harmony personality-compatible life match wasn’t enough, now happy (and greedy) soon-to-be-married people are asking for even more. That waffle iron you were going to give them just isn’t going to cut it anymore. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal, via Pink Slip Is The New Black, focused on how engaged couples don’t want your gifts. They want your money.
Reading the article left me kind of messed up…
Couples should never tell guests outright that they want money. In fact, it’s bad wedding etiquette to mention wanting any gifts at all, because that implies a guest must buy something in order to attend the wedding.
“It’s a terrible idea to include any of this information in your invitation,” says Elise Mac Adam, a New York-based wedding-etiquette expert and author. “That’s craven,” she says. “It’s like you’re buying a ticket to the wedding.”
Ok, so a few things.
A) We still have wedding etiquette experts in 2009?
B) Expert Lady said “craven.” That’s hardcore. “Craven”, really? Begging might be craven. Asking for money at a wedding is common sense.
C) Everyone knows you’re obligated to buy something to come to a wedding. Let’s be real here. If you show up with nothing you’re a jackass. It’s 2009, we’re in a recession, and we don’t have time to play these “I’m going to pretend you don’t need to bring anything, even thought I completely expect that you do” and “I’m going to pretend you don’t really expect me to bring anything, and then I’m going to buy you this nasty waffle iron” games.
None of this really surprises me considering the economy right now. What surprises me more is that people are surprised that people are asking for cash. If I had a wedding, the invite would go a lot like this..
Yo. I’m getting married. You’re coming. That’s rad.
Don’t worry. It’s open bar, cause cash bar is lame.
So, you know open bar is expensive, right?
Like, we’re not just getting bar rail. I’m talking about good shit here.
So no gifts. Cash only. No fooling. Just give me money, bitches.
I’m not registered anywhere. I’m registered at my bank. Which is where I will deposit the money you give me.
(P.S. Don’t buy clothes just for this. Wear a tee shirt, and add the money you would have spent on a suit to the money you’ll give me.)
Love, Jeremy and whatever poor sucker I’ve convinced to marry me.
