I can only assume that this man is rich

When I think of the recession, the first images that pop into my head are those of laid-off laborers exiting the auto plant, small businesses boarding up their doors, and other variations on the theme of the struggling middle class citizen. But there is one important group that I consistently neglect: rich people.

So today I pose the question, “How are rich people holding up in the recession?“

At a family level, many rich people think the recession has had some positive impacts. In a recent survey conducted by an executive job search website, TheLadders.com, more than half of executive-level job seekers think the recession has been good for their children, as a lesson that opportunity will not be handed to them.

When asked if they would trade their children for more money, 97% responded with a resounding ‘Yes’. On upwards of forty of the surveys, the respondents actually took the time to write extra after checking yes, with queries such as “Is this actually possible?” and “What monetary value would be considered a fair trade?”

If you’re worried that rich people are getting hit too hard by the recession, let me assuage your fears. Spas across the US have seen an increase in business, according to the International Spa Association. I assure you I did not make that association up. The spa industry’s total revenue grew 18 percent in 2008 to $12.8 billion.

By the looks of it, Rub and Tug parlors are also maintaining, many even seeing a surge in business. While this income is hard to track, seeing as it is illegal, they noticed a huge spike in businesses advertising Shiatsu massages with neon signs and they kind of connected the dots from there. Many thanks to the International Rub and Tug Association for passing along those numbers.

Now I don’t want to blame the entire recession on the rich, but I am forced to in this situation because it is the truth. Check out this article by Linda McQuaig of the Toronto Star. The title is “Rich Cause the Crisis, Workers Get the Blame”. Now I did not have time to read the body of the article, and my reading assistant is away in Holland right now, but the title says it all, I would say. The rich are to blame.

I looked that article up in the News Category on Google.ca. I typed in ‘Rich People Recession’ and that is the first article that came up. And you know how Google News sorts their results? By relevance, I would presume. And relevance is just another fancy word for truth. So Google is saying that rich people caused the recession. Are you going to call Google News a liar? Well those Google honchos are a rich group of people so that assertion would only prove my point further. You can’t win.

Well that concludes my report on rich people. So, to recap, the rich probably caused the recession, but they’re kind of fine with it because their kids will learn how to deal with the slightly inferior steering on the BMW compared to the Ferrari. And even though they have been hit hard, they still have enough cash lying around for the absolute necessities, as evidenced by the smooth-sailing spa industry.

If that didn’t make any sense to you, it’s because life doesn’t make any sense. It’s like my grandpa always says, “I think the government is following me.”

This is D.J. Demers, signing off.

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 5:00 pm and is filed under Money. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Tags: D.J. Demers, International Spa Association, Linda McQuaig, Recession, Screw You Recession, Toronto Star, Wealthy People